Catching Up

With every adoption, we had a website or a blog.  It was always my intention to continue the blog post-adoption, but there are challenges.  My family is always my top priority.  I would never want to share something that may, at a later date, embarrass or otherwise negatively impact someone in my family.  So the days following an adoption are difficult to blog.  Emotions are thin and tension is high.  I don’t always think clearly and when my filter doesn’t work in normal circumstances, I hesitate to risk it when I know I’m not on my A game.  So I don’t write.

Now that we are over a year past our most recent adoption, everyone is pretty comfortable.  We’ve all figured out our roles within the new family dynamic.  Life has regained a sense of normalcy.  I no longer feel that I may say something that I later regret.  Of course, that doesn’t guarantee that I won’t overstep, but the risk is greatly diminished.

I won’t be posting exciting adoption news.  Sorry.  We’ve decided we’re done with that part of our adventure.  We love to be a part of other’s adoption journeys, but we will not be adding any future children to our family.  Four is sufficiently busy for us. 

I will be writing about life.  Mine, theirs, random people I see while I am out running errands.    Just kidding, I won’t write about strangers.  I don’t think.  My goal is to write in the morning because that is really the only time I get to have complete thoughts, before the people wake up. 

So check back, read and comment.  If you have questions about anything I might know something about, ask away.  I’m fluent in international adoption, homeschooling, French, housework, cooking, and running.  I’m not so fluent in being a great wife and mom, but I’m working on it.  Every day is a new adventure. 

Thanks for reading!

Amy

Laughter Has Returned to Our Home

It was touch and go for a while.  The joy was always there, but it was overwhelmed by the stress of adjusting to our new family.  Tonight was a great night.  We laughed and laughed.  We only had one kid event this evening and she was home around 8.  So we had some great time with everyone home.  The younger two went to bed a little later than usual, because we were having fun, and it was wonderful.

Life with four kids is busy, but we’re learning to figure it all out.   We’re managing activities for all of them.  Kate has gymnastics all the time.  She broke a foot since we’ve been back, but it is healing nicely.  Isaac and David have karate.  Isaac is also taking a hip hop class.  Stella has dentist appointments.  Poor kid, she has had a lot of dentist appointments.  But the good news is she is done for a couple of weeks.   There is one nasty spot we’re keeping an eye on, but hopefully it will heal on its own and we can move forward with the next step.  She has two teeth that are so decayed they need to be removed.  Yes, she had so many problems, we’ve been to the dentist at least 4 times and we haven’t even addressed the decaying teeth yet.  Sigh.  She is such a trooper though, I’m so proud of here.  And if anyone locally is looking for a great pediatric dentist, please let me know.  I can’t say enough about our dentist.  They have been great working with this kid who doesn’t understand most of what they are saying and isn’t able to communicate back very well.  It’s a challenge to say the least.  But things have gone remarkably well.

Going places is different with four kids.  Especially when only two look alike and they don’t look like the parents.  I refer to our group as the parade because everywhere we go we seem to draw attention, even when the kids are being good!  I don’t mind for the most part.  I adore my kids, and if getting to enjoy spending time with them means we get some funny looks, I’ll take it. 

Life is good.  I think we’ve made it through the hardest part of the adjustment.  It isn’t perfect and sometimes it still isn’t pretty, but that’s life.  Stella’s language seems to come along more and more every day.  Her articulation continues to improve, slowly.  It has been fun to watch how her presence has impacted and changed each of the kids.  Kate is finally able to be a big sister to her little sister, a dream fulfilled.  Isaac has grown up noticeably.  He is now part of the big kid club.  David has met his match.  No longer is he tormenting Isaac, but instead taking turns tormenting and being tormented by Stella.  Stella, the princess, adores her new siblings.  She is sassy and ornery all while being sweet and thoughtful.  I am so blessed to be mom to these amazing people. 

Thanks to everyone who sent encouraging words after my last post.   I appreciate you all greatly!  Oh, and I'm very sorry for the lack of pictures.  I'll do better next time.

Another day, another day

As with any great event in life that involves much anticipation, there is bound to be a sense of loss when the event is over.  We are blessed to participate in the premarital ministry at our church.  The working theory is they invited us because we have made so many mistakes that others can learn from.  With each of our couples, I try to prepare the bride that there will be a let down once the wedding is over.  The planning is finished, no more shopping, no more searching the internet for great ideas, the wedding is done.  There is a void that was once filled with pre-wedding excitement.

I think the same thing happens with adoption.  Maybe it's the post-partum blues adoption style.  We're no longer planning a big trip to China.  We're not trying to imagine what she will be like, what it will be like to have 4 kids.  We're home from the big trip.  We've met the kid.  The reality of 4 kids is really setting in.  I knew this was coming.  I experienced it with the other two adoptions.  But I'm struggling.  I miss the great anticipation.  Perhaps adding to this fog I'm in is knowing that we are done.  That was the last adoption.  I'm ok with that, really I am.  But it still makes me a little sad.  I don't enjoy the paperwork, but there are so many other parts I do enjoy.  Now I'm slogging through my days, trying to be a good mom, enjoying the kids but not really feeling like myself.  I know this is temporary and I'll get through it.  But it really isn't much fun.  I don't feel fun right now.

There are good things happening here.  Stella had a second appointment at the dentist yesterday.  At her first appointment we discovered her mouth has a pretty bad teeth to cavity ratio.  So yesterday she got three fillings.  Anyone who doesn't believe in the power of prayer really should have seen how well our girl did while her teeth were being drilled.  I will say, I love our pediatric dentist and his staff.  They are amazing!  I think the idea that she doesn't speak English made the dentist a little nervous, but we all worked together and got it done.  Stella was a champion!  I can't even believe what a good little patient she was!  She resisted the gas at first and I was concerned, but then she was fine.  At one point she was singing like a drunk, Chinese sailor.  Loudly.  Because pretty much everything she does is loud.  I can only imagine what the other patients might have been thinking.  She has two more appointments like this and then we can look at the teeth in the cleft.  They are a mess.

Stella and David have been getting a long better.  At least in short spurts they get along.  And then you hear Stella shout, "David, don't do that!"  She has that phrase down well and uses it a lot!  David then yells to me that Stella is being mean.  So close, yet so far.  Oh well, at least there are some moments of fun between the two of them.  They are both such strong willed, busy kids, I'm in trouble when they do figure out how to work together!

Every day is a new adventure, a little closer to the new normal.  We can see it, we just aren't there yet.

There is hope.

I love this grin!

Her outfit, her pose.  Miss Thing.

How's it going?

If I had a dollar every time I heard that....  I joke, I love that people are interested in our story and pray for the well being of all of our children.  To answer the question, things are going really well.  That isn't to say there aren't still struggles, but as a whole, things are going well.  After a lovely Labor Day weekend, we were brutally thrown back into life at almost full swing.  We took that week off from school but then started on Monday.  I wasn't sure how educating 4 kids would go, but so far it is working.  Stella is working on preschool, mostly learning a new language.  David is working on kindergarten and learning how to read.  Isaac is in fifth grade and Kate is in eighth grade.  This will be my only year having all 4 at home so I'm trying to enjoy every minute.

Stella is transitioning pretty smoothly.  The frustration tantrums have almost subsided.  Google Translate is an absolute life saver!  With that app we are able to communicate to her what is going on, where we are going, what will happen when we get there, etc.  This knowledge allows her to have some sense of control, a sense of power, I think.  She is much more at ease when we take the time to explain things even a little.  For example, earlier this week she had her first dentist appointment.  She was a little intimidated at first, but I was able to promise ice cream if she did what was asked of her at the dentist.  Only later in the day did I wonder if offering ice cream at the dentist was really a good idea.  Oh well, at least it wasn't a sucker or some other candy.  Sigh.

At the dentist we did learn that she has a number of cavities.  She will need 3 appointments to get everything taken care of.  Then we can visit the orthodontist and see about getting the tooth/teeth in and around the cleft removed.  Our first filling appointment is Monday so if you think of it, please say a prayer for sweet Stella.

Stella's language is coming right along.  She has a strong command of the word no.  She also uses "lay down" as a universal command to Samson.  It can mean lay down, sit, stay, go away, come in, really anything you might need to say to the dog, she uses lay down.  And oddly, Samson seems to get it.  We are working on sounds.  There are many that we use in English that aren't used in Chinese.  So we are working on the pronunciations.  Her understanding of what we are saying increases daily.  It truly is amazing to witness.

The rest of the gang is adjusting to her presence, slowly, but making progress.  Each of the kids has dealt with some transition challenges, some more than others.  Most importantly, she is very much a part of the family and although one child is still working hard to be happy about it, she is a permanent part of the family and no one questions that.

We have our first post-placement visit tomorrow.  Those are always fun.  I really am working to remove sarcasm from my vocabulary.  It is difficult enough to learn another language without needing to understand sarcasm as well.  So I'll introduce that to her later.  I hope.  Now for some pictures!

The group swinging together.

My crew, love them!

Miss Thing, please notice the footwear.

Love these smiles!

Stella with the big kids.

We Will Survive

When one considers adding a child to their family via adoption, there are many choices to make.  Race, age, and potential special needs are just some of the factors to consider.  For us, we have always opted for a slightly older child versus a baby or a toddler.  Although, this time we actually put 0-4 on our form and still ended up with a 5 year old.  Really, I think I was just imagining how I would love to dress a little girl up in cute dresses.  Practically, a 5 year old is a much better fit for our family.  A baby or toddler would be too high maintenance for the current pace of our life.  

But there are struggles with an older child too.  They have a history that they can remember.  They can process on some level what is about to happen to them.  More mature kids can verbalize their feelings to caregivers.  Perhaps they experience more the frustration at not being able to communicate effectively in their new home.  Add to that the effects of jet lag and you have a recipe for disaster.

The honeymoon phase ended yesterday.  It tanked.  It didn't just end, it blew up in a giant fireball.  It was a really difficult day.  But then it was over and today was better.  Today was a lot better.  Change is hard.  Change affects each person in the family in different ways.  Sometimes you can anticipate the affects change will have, and sometimes you are completely blown away by the consequences.  But it happens and you deal with it and move on.

One of the families that was in China adopting their child with us shared that they had considered adopting an older child, but were concerned about the child having a history and not being able to adapt to their new family.  Yet they were exhausted after chasing a 2 year old around for a week.  I hope that if you are someone that has ever considered adoption that you would keep your mind open to an older child.  All too often they are passed over in favor of an infant or toddler.  All three of our adoptions have happened after the child was 4.  Isaac was almost 6.  Yes, it makes me sad that we missed so much of their life.  Once on Kate's birthday, we were discussing the time she was born and Isaac asked what time he was born.  I apologized because that was another piece of information that I didn't have about his life and asked him what time he thought he was born.  So we came up with a time of birth.  Actually, we came up with several as he couldn't really remember what time of day it was when he born.  You roll with the punches.  Please do consider adopting an older child.  They are an absolute blessing!



So now that I'm home and I can download pictures to my computer and have direct access to the blog, I thought I'd post some of my favorite memories from China not involving the new kid.

Outside of our window in Shenyang, there appeared to be some sort of distribution center happening.  A truck would pull up in the morning and dump things in the road.  Men on bikes would then come and pile these packages up on the front, back, or even a trailer attached to the bike and ride off.  It was endlessly entertaining for me.

Here is another such distribution center.

As we were driving to Stella's finding spot we passed this market.  Because this is how I prefer to buy my fruit too.

Did I post this already?  I found the men with their shirts up quite funny.

All over Shenyang the women walked with umbrella/parasols on sunny days.  Some of the umbrellas were quite fancy with embroidery and sparkles.  I brought one home for Kate.

This was a vending machine at the Medical Building.  Did I post this already?  Sean and I found this fascinating.

On Shamian Island in Guangzhou, there are always people out getting their pictures taken.  Usually we would see couples getting bridal pictures taken.  This was an unusual photo shoot.  You can see other people were also standing around watching this poor man in the too small clothes on a super hot day.

Finally, this is why we go through the challenges.  These people mean more to me than I ever imagined possible.  They are amazing and I have learned so much from all four of them.  They are worth everything.  Everything we went through to add each one to our family and everything we go through as we become a family again.  Different than before, better.

Home!

We are home!  We left Guangzhou Thursday morning, traveled 26 hours and arrived home around 8:30 pm, Thursday evening.  Stella was, for the most part, a great traveler.  During the actual plane rides, of which we had 3, she was great.  She slept on the long plane ride (14 hours) and when she wasn't sleeping she was beating the life out of the tv screen on the back of the seat in front of her.  She would start a movie, watch it for 3 minutes and then change to another movie.  Fortunately, it was a Chinese woman in the seat and the Chinese people tend to get less ruffled by things like that.  American's are much more possessive, as in the kid is beating on the back of MY seat, but the Chinese just sort of go with the flow and don't get distressed by those things.  Stella's time between plane rides was another story.  While we were rushing between planes she decided to show us her uncooperative side.  Fortunately we were all able to overcome these moments pretty easily.  Given everything we've asked of her, I really feel like she did well.

It was so good to see our big kids again.  David traditionally gets mad at people when they leave for awhile.  So I was a bit nervous at how he would react to us.  At first, he was a little stand-offish, but within minutes he was hugging us and telling us how much he missed us.  It was so fun to have everyone together in the car ride home.  Thanks again to both of our parents for taking such good care of our kids!  Sean's parents had the refrigerator completely stocked and they cleaned house so we wouldn't have to do anything when we returned.  Such a blessing!

Now we are on our third day home.  Jet lag is really hitting Sean and me pretty hard.  I'm never sure if I should just get up and do laundry when I wake up at 3:30.  If I felt like I wouldn't wake up the non-jet lag people I might.  Today I was able to fall back asleep so that was nice.  And so far, Sean and I are surviving without a nap today.  Isn't that ridiculous?  I really find the whole room spinning, can't keep my eyes open, never a coherent thought mode of operation tiring.  I can't wait to be back to normal.  Each day seems a little better, but it is taking forever!

Stella fits right in with the other kids.  Only God could have knit this family together.  The way she has filled so many needs is just too awesome to be simple coincidences.  Kate has wanted a little sister since she could speak.  She has been dreaming of someone to sleep in the other half of her bunk bed, trying to imagine what it would be like to have a little sister.  Finally she knows.  And she has a little sister who adores her big sister.  It is so sweet to see the two of them together.  Yesterday they had a tea party, giggles and grins were everywhere.  At the airport Isaac was holding his arm to Stella's to see if her skin matched his.  I had no idea how important this was to him.  I caught a glimpse of that when we were called about a child with albinism earlier this year.  But now that he has a sister who looks like him, even with a cleft lip, he is happy.  David finally has met his match.  He has a younger person to play with.  He isn't as thrilled about her presence yet, but she loves him.  She wants to play with him and do what he does.  Soon, he will appreciate that.

Thanks again for following the blog and praying for us along the way.  Thanks to Krista for posting the blog for me.  I was very distressed to arrive in China and discover I wouldn't be able to post.  She jumped right in and posted my emails.  Every day is an adventure now as we all work to adjust to being a family of 6.  I can't describe the happiness I feel as I see 5 smiling faces around the table, as I kiss 4 kids goodnight, as I glance at the full car.  I've always wanted a big family.  I am so in love with all of these people that I've been blessed with!  I can't believe that I get to be married to the man of my dreams and mom to these beautiful kids!

China Day 11 – Last Post from China!

I am so so so ready to be home!  We have enjoyed our time in China, but I am so ready to be home and see my other kids.  We are all packed.  We’ll have one last ichat with the kids and go to bed.  Our bags need to be outside our room at 4:30 am and we need to be downstairs by 5:00 am.  It cannot come soon enough!  Stella is having a little trouble getting to sleep.  She knows the bags are packed and knows what happens next.  I imagine she is a little stressed!  Today the stress means lots of loud silliness.  She is finally winding down so there is hope!  We fly to Shanghi where we have a 6-hour layover.  Then we board the plane for our almost 14 hour flight to Detroit.  There we go through customs and board a plane home!!!  26 short hours of traveling and we will be home!

Parting thoughts for those who will be going down this road in the future.  We took advantage of the Executive Lounge upgrade in both of our hotels.  This was the best decision we made.  The upgrade covered the cost of breakfast in the main dining area as well as dinner in the executive lounge.  The dinner in Shenyang wasn’t fabulous but it was something we didn’t have to pay extra for.  The executive lounge in the China Hotel was awesome!  We didn’t buy any water while we were here as there was an unlimited supply in the executive lounge that we were able to access anytime during the day.  The dinner was delicious and changed daily, sometimes during our time there.  It was definitely worth the extra investment to get the upgrade.  It more than paid for itself.

Zài jiàn from China!